My New Cat

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I’m half machine. I’m a monster. Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. I hear the jury’s still out on science. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.Read Now

Holidays

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Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. I am the last of my species, and IRead Now

My wedding

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It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Who am I making this out to? We’re rescuing ya. Why did you bring us here? I daresayRead Now

It’s time to travel

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They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.Read Now